Menggunung syukur ke Tuhan, diberi hidup, digagah kuat, dihadiah material, dikurnia hidayah yang telah lama mencakup. Despite of what I've been through, senyum ini dah lama saya rindu. Cumanya it would never be the same seperti dulu.
I have to prepare myself for the worse from now on..
It's terrifying to know the fact that I no longer have someone to protect me from anything, instead I'm the one should be protective.
To know your world now is only her, and she's only have you..
At this moment, I can only pray. To be stronger than I've ever been. It's still hurt but my world doesn't ends here. Obstacles that makes you who you are, to know yourself in the times of hardship is so easy as it will reveals naturally. It takes courage, faith and beliefs.
"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding"
~Kahlil Gibran
For you should know, I need some moment for me to breath alone. You will understand, do you?
Nak junamkan saya junamlah. Sarkastik kan lirik kau pada aku yang tak berpunya. Hanya aku dan Tuhan saja maha tahu betapa punah aku pada cinta, namun tak pernah hilang cintaNya.
As I looked myself from the past, I wasn't myself anymore. Experience that makes us different from another. Dan begitu juga aku memoirkan dia. Sejak datangnya tempoh hari hampir bikin aku gila, dan terimbas sakit dan peritnya. Kerana seorang lelaki yang hampir hilangkan aku segala. Ya, ingatan itu hadir tak minta.
Teman-teman takkan faham rasanya digantung tak berjiwa. Dan kerana hilangnya abah, makin sampah jiwaku kena.
Aku cuma takut..
Apa mimpian aku sekarang?
Satu: Mencari sang peribadi yang hilang sejak temunya dia. Inilah bukti bila menduniakan orang lebih daripada dunia sendiri. And please siapa2 yang baru nak terjerumus, sila listen to what I've said. Kerana cakap people yang have through it are always the best. Sayang biar berpada.
Dua: It's a brand new day, walau without siapa2 doesn't mean I have to feel alone. It's normal to feel lonely sometimes but di atas sana sentiasa dengan saya, berdosanya kalau kerap merintih duka. I have to start fresh, appreciate more, new spirit to strive for.
Tiga: Dengan dia pun saya tak bahagia, dengan dia juga tak segembira. Saya harus lebarkan sayap saya, menerima lebih, membagi lebih, untuk ketemu pelengkap rusuk saya. Semoga dipermudahkan jalan olehNya.
Empat: Ma, please wait for me. Only God knows how much u mean to me.
Lima: When can I at least be happy?
"Kalau ikutkan susah I nak maafkan u. Tapi I maafkan u kerana Allah. Hope u selamat pergi dan balik."
"Thanks tika. Manusia tak lari dari kesilapan, mohon maaf utk membaiki diri sendiri."
"Allah always know best right. Maybe kalau u minta maaf dulu I mungkin tak boleh terima. But I've learnt my mistake as well. So He know now is the right time."
"I think so. Sebaik2 manusia ia selalu memaafkan kesilapan org lain."
Saya bersyukur akhirnya diberi redha, disuterakan hati untuk terima segala-galanya. This is just part of His plan.
Feel a little bit calm just now after playing the newest Maher Zain's song. Alahai tenang sampai hati hingga.
Mak lah dunia saya sekarang. I should only focus on things I've left now.
"Mum I'm all grown up now
And it's not too late
I'd like to put a smile on your face every day.."
Copyright by Antika